A favorite watercolor painting of mine, “Hotei to the Light”.

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”                                                                -Kurt Vonnegut

The one thing I’ve been asking myself since I started this blog is whether you people deserve the entire truth or a little bit with bullshit laced in or the pure, unadulterated lie that I’ve come to believe. I still don’t know the answer. I’ve given up trying to predict people’s movements and patterns. I’ve tried. I’m sure there’s some formation that comes from it all, but human behavior, even explained for an eight year old to understand, still manages to baffle me to no end. I’d hate to say that I hate humanity, because that’s the truth, at least how I’ve come to believe it. That answer is at least the truth I tell myself. The real truth is that I hate what we pretend to be. We’re scared children acting like we’re not still afraid of the dark. We’re witch doctors looking for miracle cures in chicken entrails, claiming to possess the meaning of life. We’re shepherds, each in our own right, leading other shepherds, while none of us know where we’re going. I’ve long-since given up trying to understand the fear, the terror, the unremitting danger lurking in our hearts. The more you look the less you see. That’s the fear. We’re petrified that if we look deep enough into the human soul we’ll realize that, in all the emptiness of the cosmos, as it is within our own hearts… simply put, there’s nothing there.


13 thoughts on “Sic

  1. This is where it’s important to have a sense of humor. I agree with everything you say but also believe that hate is frustrated love. And, as much as I like and identify with Kurt Vonnegut, he ended his life as a disillusioned cynic, but also one who retained his sense of humor. The notion that we are what we pretend to be, or that unfulfilled intentions are irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, juxtaposes inner and outer assessments of our being-ness.

    There’s the corresponding notion of “Fake it until you make it,” too. The idea of humanity being lost and searching for answers and leaders surrounds us. Those who claim to know are probably as insecure as the rest, and they need external validation to ease their loneliness.

    How’s this? We are all part of a massive improvisation group, each doing the best we can, each with roles to play. Rather than a perceiving humanity as a hierarchy, with leaders and followers, I like to envision us as a giant, multidimensional jigsaw puzzle with each individual contributing a vital piece. No piece is more important than any other, unless it’s the one that’s missing.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I like to think that it’s the fear and insecurity that unites us. For as much as it seems to fracture it can also make us whole, maybe even as a species. I’m sure there are plenty of examples throughout history of both and yes, we’re definitely the ones who must ‘fake it, ’til we make it’.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Your comment deserves a long answer, which I’m composing as part of an upcoming blog. Something about the concept of original sin, what we consider “science” in our mechanized world, and if we are addicted to fear and insecurity. It doesn’t have to be that way.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Completely agree with both. There’s something good in fear, can be. Possibly only if you’re willing to look deep diwn inside and work with that. But the improv we’re doing, that’s the only way to describe this bumbling experiment we call life.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I think we’re weary, The darkest behavior comes from those who have given up all hope. Like you say, living in fear. In the end, who humanity appears to be depends on when you know us. I like to think of myself as kind, but the lady at the shipping counter of Office Depot wouldn’t agree with that right now. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  3. THANK YOU FOR WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR. This isn’t a bad thing, not at all. No one can long lengths of time wearing a mask of sunshine and happiness. A person can’t try to be who they think everyone else want them to be all the time. It’s exhausting, a never ending carousel. Be who YOU want to be, say what YOU are feeling. There is no one to judge you here. Only acceptance. At least that is what I have found of course I could be completely delusional but they’re my delusions so who cares? Be you.

    Liked by 3 people

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